the longer i look at it the better it gets
Perfect.
My day,
wake up to my brother crying.
wake up again to the plumbing guy arriving.
wake up again to the sears guy arriving.
staid awake because of breakfast.
put my brother to sleep.
watched how i met your mother.
took an hour and half nap while watching zodiac.
woke up to my father nudging me.
drove to get Chinese food with the father.
ate dinner.
watched giants game for 12 innings.
GIANTS.
put my sister to sleep.
done.
My day,
wake up to my brother crying.
wake up again to the plumbing guy arriving.
wake up again to the sears guy arriving.
staid awake because of breakfast.
put my brother to sleep.
watched how i met your mother.
took an hour and half nap while watching zodiac.
woke up to my father nudging me.
drove to get Chinese food with the father.
ate dinner.
watched giants game for 12 innings.
GIANTS.
put my sister to sleep.
done.
sometimes, we have to ask ourselves if what we’re doing is beneficial for others or ourselves. However, sometimes, we have to ask ourselves if what we’re doing is for the name of our creator or to create our own names. I mean, how much percent of our actions are a reflection of God’s desires for us? Lately, we’ve been so caught up in making ourselves seem better for others, look better, feel better, do better, etc. for others. And those actions can be very admirable. However, God told us to put him before others. Meaning, our actions shouldn’t be for ourselves or others before him. I’m not saying to never think of others. I’m saying, it warms my heart when someone does a kind deed for another and says he did it through the grace and compassion of God.
Through the years, it’s been hard to “Let go and let God.” Not because i didn’t love him, or because i didn’t trust him. It was hard because i didn’t want to lose control of the one thing i could control, my own life. Now, it’s still hard, especially starting my 3 year plan. It’s so scary to think that someone who’s been writing you letters your whole life and you’ve never seen loves you enough to take care of you, even though you get mad at him continuously and sometimes go days without replying. How can God, a pen-pal to me my whole life, love me? Someone who forgets to respond everyday and isn’t perfect. How can i forget to appreciate him so much because he loves me even though i’m not perfect.
Humility isn’t impossible, but it isn’t easy. It isn’t about not being selfish or sharing. Humility is a God-given gift that we forget to utilize. It’s easily hidden under greed and lust however sometimes hides under comfort. Sometimes, we get so comfortable in our lives, we forget to keep pushing for greater. We forget that there’s more to do, more lives to save, more people to help. For me, Humility is a constant battle. It’s not that i’m ridiculously greedy or selfish//it’s that i’m too comfortable with my life. It’s good to feel uncomfortable, to remember how blessed you are. God makes us uncomfortable all the time. He makes us hear criticism, anger, rage//experience fear, anxiety, nerves. However, it’s for a reason; we can’t despise him for it. Without criticism, anger, &&rage, how can we make ourselves better? happier? more grateful? Without fear, anxiety, &&nerves, how can we face challenges bravely? become stronger? learn from our past?
I’m not perfect. I have so much to learn in the next x years, but i’m slowly learning that i have to be willing to learn. It’s hard. It’s challenging. It’s confusing. &&sometimes, I want to quit. Picture yourself running a marathon. You’re eager to start, running at a steady pace. It’s 4 miles in, still going strong, maybe your toes are starting to hurt, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. It’s 13 miles in, getting a little slower, drenched in sweat, but you’re half way there, you figure the ribbon is just around the corner. It’s 18 miles in, you take a sip of water, can’t stop now. you want to stop now. It’s 24 miles in, you stop. you decide to cool off for 5 minutes, catch your breath. your muscles tighten, then loosen. you try to get up, you fall. it’s no use now. what’s the point in getting up. you realize your only 2.5 miles away, you might be able to make it. you pray.
This is the breaking point, are you going to get up? You don’t know if you can make it. Are you willing to take a chance in faith?
You pray, get up, and continue. along the next 2.5 miles, you stumble and fall…a lot. but you get back up, and get back up. you can see the finish line. you’re done. relieved. you whisper, it was worth it. Well, faith is like a marathon. when you’re born, you’re so eager to run by yourself. when you get a little older, you start to feel a little pain, but think you can handle it by yourself. a little older, more pain, it’s still manageable. a little older, a lot of pain, too stubborn to ask for help. a little older, you hit a crash. when you decide and choose to get back up through faith, it gets better but harder. You’re almost there to the finish line, but you have to endure so more pain. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to sting. It’s going to be worth it.
God’s love is so great that it has no limit. it has no falofel. it has no quagmire. it’s pure, it’s solid, it’s everlasting, it’s never ending, it’s free for us to take.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. - Galatians 2:20
